[20.55] IM TIREDDDDDD WANT HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG need someone to tell me I did okey.. undaaaaaaaaaaaa T^T I wanna lay in bed so baaaad but if I do, Im not knocked straight to the dreamland.. I still have stuff to do.. Im so tired I wanna sleep for 10 hours.. Im too tired now my head is filled w thoughts of him, I wonder how is he doin rn? I dont think he ever think of me, he probably just go on with his life just like before he ever met me. Im tired Im sorry I shouldnt think of him anymore, I dont wanna dissapoint my friend but if I didnt write it here, it will keep on floating around my head.. I wished we stayed frieSHUTUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PSTOP THINKINGGGGGGGGG how do I fix thisssss its so uncomfy, Im starting to want him out of this school I SHOULDNT THINK LIKE THAT ITS BADDDDDDDDDD his voice is still as soft as the ones in my memoriesSTOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP SHUTUP BRAIN SHUTUPPPPPPPP
[16.50] Im tired.. miss my mom.. Im so tired..
[12.55] Just got back from flower picking near Konstantin's planting area, lots of colorful wild flowers! I picked the purple flowers, want another attempt to make the natural colors~~ Wish me luck!! I need a strainer now..
[07.03] EUGHHHHH ITS SO ANNOYING IM NOT DONE W U YET THATS WHY IM STUCK. Everything was happening so quicklyyyyy if only theres a last chance to have a convo, or a chat so I can REALLY let everything out,EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE SO MUCH EASIERRRRRRR. Nvm after thinking about it, I dont think the chance will ever come, honestly even if I was given another chance to speak or chat w him, chances are either hes gonna be a coward and go away again, or Im gonna be the coward and run away, either way I guess Ill sit w this feeling forever, I cant even fully hate him because I know why he did that, I understand and his reasons were valid. I know it will end, but it kinda felt like a nightmare, I wished it didnt end this roughly on me, yeah, on me, hes probably already over all of this since 2 weeks ago, thats fine, good for him, Im just too much of a feeler to let go of all that precious moments. Ill stay longer. Ms Dian told me its hard for me to move because I understood his reason too much, I validate his feelings too much, too much of me were given to him and nobody to do the same to me (or at least thats what Ms.Dian said). I bet he wont understand why Im so upset or sad over this if he knew how I feel right now, hes too emotionally dumb (quote Jovan) and a coward (quote manymany of his close friends and ME & Ms.DIAN). Anyhow, Im not trying to forgive him, screw that Im tired, Im tired of writing all this bs, but its really the only thing that is actually helping me, this will be over soon, Im just taking my time with myself :> I hope his parents really drag him out of this school, Im sure his parents will be very happy to have their emotionally stupid son back>_<
[06.04] Good morning!! Im fasting today~~ I didnt have the appetite to eat my Sahoor so I only eat a little portion of it. On to the next, I WANNA WATCH THE MOVIE MARTY SUPREME NOWWWWWWW Im never a fan of sports-themed movie and series, but I heard the reviews, they mixed the history w a little spin-off A24 style
[15/4/2026]
[20.51] Ermm thats kinda embarrassing thooo why would you delete the message like that?? T^T Everyone can still see your damn chat yknoooo
[20.18] Ms.Diah called me Babygirl~~ Hufttt still in meeting rn, its so fun but Im kinda tired.. I wanna read the materials for tomorrow's Chemistry lesson but I dont think my brain can keep up. I have reached the part where Nastenka found her real lover and abandon our MC for her lover.. good for her but it was a truly foolish move, fit in character for her, she emphasised a lot on being "hopeless", "naive" etc, pretty much a 17 year-old that is portrayed a little too childish than reality, maybe because Its Dostoevsky who wrote it, and he is indeed very famous for his dream-like writing. I think the reason why the dialogue between Nastenka and MC is overwhelming sometimes; capturing the euphoria of being with someone you cherish, love is illogical but it made you happy, quoted many time in the book that they acknowledge their child-like acts when they are with one another, the euphoria I said earlier not only showed the happiness one felt with someone they love but also to show the passion of storytelling; each character told their story with great passion that drift the reader from reality to that dream-like high of their fleeting love story. Tragic.. OH NO THE LEADER IS HERE GOTTA GOOOOOOO
[07.21] FUH I HAVE ANOTHER MEETING TONIGHT IM GONNA DIE anw I was the 2nd last person to go down in my house during the PBB game ;P WHATEVER I WAS NERVOUS STFUUUUU At least my focus is kinda improving, well thats a good thing! Next I gotta work on my stress and nervousness, might be useful for later onn :3 Stupid thoughts keep popping up
[05.44] BWAUHWAUUAWHHAHHAHHAAAUWHAA THEY HAD JUST ARRIVED LIKE 10 MINUTES AGO WHAT DA FAWKKKKKK WHY IS TODAYS EXERCISE LONGER THAN USUAL T^T I FEEL BAD BUT IM SO HAPPY
[05.02] Good morning everyoneeee I have Jakam duty today ;D Some of you might be unfamiliar with the term "Jakam"; its a rotated duty across dorm rooms at my boarding school where a room at duty must clean up the hallway and trashes alongside the laundry (because Im on the 3rd floor and laundry is on the 4th floor) and ensure that everyone is awake for either morning exercises or morning prayer. Whats the advantage? If that day has morning exercise, YOU GET TO SKIP IT MWAUHUWHWUAUWHUAWUHUWU HELLL YEAH.. haahhh thats a lot of fun >_< its still early on but I kinda want to sketch a little.. These last few days, I havent gotten the chance to have a quiet mind and scribble doodle.. Things got a lil complicated, beyond my super bad social skill, I have an equally bad self management I FEEL PATHETICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC Im scaredd that I wont be able to live out of this phase.. will I stuck like this forever? ..Ill try my best not to? I can ask others for help, right? ..nvm I still feel bad.. wait no Im getting bad thoughts again I should stop then BWUAWAHUWWHAHWUAAUW I SEE MY COHORT RUNNING T^T OMG IM SO HAPPY I DIDNT JOIN TODAY'S EXERCISE YIPPIEEEEEEE.. I kinda want to start doing pull up, but my arm strength is literally negative.. ILL ASK HANA! Okayy Im rlly eepy.. Ill see you all soon^^
[14/4/2026]
[20.15] YEAYYYYYY IM BACKKKK HUAAAA IT WAS SO HARDDDDDDDD TO CODE EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAINNNN T^T It was worth it thoo.. Hopefully.. I already talked w my SEL counselor, she said whatever is going w me, its fine, Im a teenager and this is how I processed my emotions.. I hope its really fine.. Man I know I sound super mean but I really understand what happened, I really did!! Cant say I have fully forgiven him, or at all yet but really, I understand whyyyyyyy but cant say that everything is already fine from my end. I really want to let everyone know that everything is fine, I have no hatred in me, all that its left is just bits of sadness.. please I hope you guys understand :<
[21.06] As Im still doing my math homework from the girliest girl to eveer girl, I figure out a way for me to move on! BY SEEING HIM AS A FATHER FIGURE WHO GO BUY SOME MILK AND RETURN ONLY TO SPANK MY AHH BCUZ THE SANDWHICH THAT I MADE WAS COLD MWHEMEHMEWHEHMEME PERFECT SO THEREFORE MY BRAIN WILL GO "Oh no its the scary abusive father figure gogogogo SOS SOS SOS" YEAHHHHHHHHH FLAWLESS INDEED no back to my math >_<